The One Thing That Separates Resilient Kids from Those Who Struggle

Over the years, I've worked with kids from every kind of background.

Kids from wealthy families who struggled enormously. Kids from incredibly hard circumstances who seemed unshakeable.

For a long time I tried to figure out what made the difference.

Was it intelligence? Natural confidence? Great parenting?

Those things matter. But none of them is the deciding factor.

The one thing

The single biggest predictor of resilience in the kids I have worked with is this: at least one adult who believes in them unconditionally.

This is different from thinking they are talented, and different from having high expectations of them.

One adult who simply believes in them as a person. Who notices them. Who is genuinely glad they are in the room.

That is it. That is the whole thing.

Why this is so powerful

When a child knows they have one safe person, the whole world becomes less threatening.

They can take risks because they have somewhere to land if it goes wrong.

They can fail because failure doesn't mean losing everything.

They can try again because someone will still be there regardless of the outcome.

Research on childhood resilience keeps pointing to this same finding: one caring adult matters more than resources or intelligence.

It doesn't have to be a parent

This is important, especially for parents who are doing their best but struggling.

The adult doesn't have to be a parent. It can be a grandparent, an aunt, a teacher, a coach, an acting director.

We see this at the Academy regularly. A child who is lost at school finds their footing in our classes, because they find a place where someone genuinely sees them. There is nothing magical about it.

If your child is struggling, the most useful question is 'who is their person?'

If they don't have one, help them find one.

And if you are that person

If you are reading this and you are already showing up as that unconditional adult for a child, I want you to know something.

You are doing the most important work there is.

You may never see the full impact of it. But it is there. It goes with that child into every room they enter for the rest of their life.

Don't underestimate it.

About the Author: Brendan Glanville is the Founder and Artistic Director of the Australian Acting Academy. For over 30 years he has helped more than 100,000 young people build confidence, courage and authentic connection through acting, storytelling and creative risk-taking. He writes about parenting, resilience, creativity and what it means to raise brave humans in a complicated world. Learn more at actingacademy.com.au.