Five Things I Wish I'd Known as a Parent Before I Was an Acting Coach

I have four kids.

I also have thirty-one years of teaching other people's kids.

You would think those two things would make me a great parent from the start.

They did not.

Here are five things I wish I had known earlier.

1. Being heard is more important than being fixed

My instinct, for years, was to solve things.

A child came to me with a problem and I immediately started generating options. Solutions. Action plans.

It took me embarrassingly long to understand that most of the time, that is not what they wanted.

They wanted to feel heard. Understood. Like their experience made sense.

Fixing before listening is impatience wearing a helpful costume.

Now when one of my kids, or one of my students, brings me something difficult, I make myself listen completely before I say anything at all.

It changes everything.

2. Your child is watching how you handle hard things

They watch what you do far more closely than they listen to what you say.

How you respond when things don't go your way. How you talk about people you disagree with. How you handle disappointment, uncertainty, failure.

I have had to clean up some of my own habits because I could see them appearing, perfectly reflected, in my children.

Sometimes uncomfortable, and always informative.

3. Comparison is the silent killer of confidence

Children need to know how they are growing compared to who they were.

The sibling comparison, the 'your friend manages to...' comparison, the 'when I was your age' comparison. These all erode something essential.

I try instead to say: 'Look how far you've come.' 'Remember when that used to scare you?'

Progress is motivating. Comparison is usually just painful.

4. They need to fail without you rescuing them

This one was hard for me.

Watching your child struggle is genuinely uncomfortable.

But the child who is rescued from every difficult moment never develops the evidence they need to trust themselves.

Evidence of their own capability only comes from surviving hard things. If we remove every hard thing, we remove the opportunity to build it.

My role now is to be close enough to help if they truly need it, and far enough away to let them discover they probably don't.

5. The relationship is the whole thing

Programs, classes, schools, strategies. All of it matters less than the quality of the relationship.

If a young person knows they are unconditionally valued by at least one adult, they can handle almost anything.

We are proudly supported by TAFE QUEENSLAND. The reason we agreed to this partnership is because they value community like we do at the AAA. When we see our students train at TAFE QUEENSALND Sth BANK CAMPUS, it is like they seamlessly have found an extension of our community.

If they don't have that, no program will fully compensate.

Everything I do at the Academy, everything I try to do as a parent, is ultimately in service of that one thing.

Be the person they feel safe with.

The rest tends to follow.

About the Author

Brendan Glanville is the Founder and Artistic Director of the Australian Acting Academy. For over 30 years he has helped more than 100,000 young people build confidence, courage and authentic connection through acting, storytelling and creative risk-taking. He writes about parenting, resilience, creativity and what it means to raise brave humans in a complicated world. Learn more at actingacademy.com.au.